


30 Galactica:  How Liz Lemon Helps Laura Roslin Defeat the Cylons

by newnumbertwo



Category: 30 Rock, Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-05
Updated: 2012-05-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 21:18:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newnumbertwo/pseuds/newnumbertwo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Liz Lemon and President Roslin continue to bond.  They go to a meeting with Commander Adama.  Lemon's oversharing tendencies and badger face break through the Commander's barrier.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
  


Liz Lemon was hard at work in her office trying to figure out the perfect ratio of fart jokes for a sketch on _TGS_.  It was particularly perplexing, so she had even more lettuce in her hair than usual.  That was how Jack found her, when he barged into her office that afternoon.  They’ve never bothered with the niceties, preferring to get right to business in their conversations.

 “What’s wrong with you Delphians, Lemon?”

“What you talking about, Jack?”

“Our fearless leader is suggesting we move in a ‘new direction’ at NBC.  He wants me to oversee our news department by accompanying them on the decommissioning ceremony of some old battlestar.  He wants to get on good terms with Adar and his government, and apparently we’re the only major network willing to cover this.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.  You’ll get to tour a battlestar; you always were interested in space, Jack.  Which battlestar is it?”

“Galactica, I think.”

“That’s the oldest ship in the Colonial fleet!  Can I come, please?”

“Why are you so interested in Colonial military history all of a sudden?”

“You know I have fantasies about men in space.  Sometimes I do a little research.  The Galactica is currently commanded by William ‘Husker’ Adama, a true hero from the Cylon War.  He’s kind of a badass, and he’s probably pissed they’re decommissioning his ship.”

“Alright, you can come, but only if you take care of Liddy during the trip.  I refuse to leave her with her nanny when her mother is already out of her life--Frakkin Sagitarians!”

“Of course I will.  I love looking after Liddy.”

“Now listen, we’ll be accompanying a small press corps and the Secretary of Education, who, from what I understand, makes Condoleezza seem fun, so try to refrain from random outbursts about your worldview, or your ultra-liberal political ideas.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“And for the love of the gods, try to wear something that didn’t come from k-mart!”

“When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow morning.  I’ll pick you up at eight, and we’ll ride in my limo to the transport.  We’ll be traveling in luxury, a Colonial Heavy.”

“I’d better go home and pack then. Goodnight, Jack.”

“Lemon.”

\---------------------------

Jack and Liddy were waiting outside her apartment in their limo at eight o’clock sharp.

Lemon was wearing one of her typically Lemon outfits.  He would have preferred the pink thing she wore the day they met, but that simply wasn’t her style.

“Good gods, Lemon!  You couldn’t find anything better to wear?”

“I’m afraid not, Jack.  Don’t worry, I’m holding the cutest baby in the colonies; nobody will notice me or what I’m wearing.”

“She is darling, isn’t she?  We’ll be onboard the transport soon.  Remember to be on your best behavior.  I can’t have you doing another striptease.”

“I only did that for you, you jerk.”

“And please try to remember that I’m your boss for the next few days--and not your friend/drinking buddy.”

“Who are you trying to impress, Jack?  Secretary Roslin?  I hear she’s got her hands full with the President, if you know what I mean.”

“Really?  How do you know?”

“Part of my research for _Dealbreakers_.  If your man is married, the President, and can only frak you in his office in secret, that’s a dealbreaker ladies.”

“Please keep that bit of research to yourself, then.”

“Okay.  I’m going to need a whiteboard to keep track of all your rules for this trip.  Meeting Bill Adama better be worth all the trouble.”

“Lemon, are you already smitten with another pilot?”

“He’s a bit old for me, Jack.”

“Okay. Here we are.  Try not to embarrass me.”

“Frak you!”

“You wish!”

“Not really.”

\----------------------

Their argument continued on Colonial Heavy 798.

“I can’t believe you dropped the f-bomb and in front of my child.”

“Serves you right for saying I embarrass you.  If I’m so bad you should find a new best friend.”

“Who says you’re my best friend?”

“The fact that you don’t seem to have any other friends.”

“I have lots of friends, Lemon.”

“Sure, Jack.”

“I do.”

“Like Beyonce and Condoleezza?”

“Yeah and a lot of others.”

“And why aren’t they here, then?”

“They wouldn’t be willing to watch Liddy.”

“Because they aren’t really your friends, Donaghy.”

“Whatever, Lemon.  How many friends do you have?”

“I’m not afraid to admit you’re my best friend.  Now, if you don’t mind, your daughter and I are going to take a little nap before we get to Galactica, so shush.”

As Liz and Liddy slept, Jack watched them with affection in his eyes.  

“Are they your wife and daughter?” an attractive woman in her late 40s asked.

“They’re my daughter and my best friend.  Actually, she’s kind of my ex-wife, but we didn’t mean to get married.  Godsdamned priest married me instead of Avery.  It’s complicated.”

“Sounds it.  I’m Laura Roslin, by the way.  I just wanted to say hello. Something about families in these sterile environments, makes me smile.”

“I’m Jack Donaghy, and sleepy over there is Lemon, I’m sorry, Elizabeth Lemon.  We’ll be overseeing the press corp coverage of the decommissioning ceremony.”

“Isn’t that a little low level for the executive of NBC and the head writer of _TGS_?”

“I could ask the same thing of the Secretary of Education, Dr. Roslin?”

“I guess both of our bosses are ‘trying to move in new directions.’”

“So you got that line too?”

“You have no idea.”

“Somehow, I think we’ll find a way to make it interesting.  If you need any information about Commander Adama, just ask Lemon.  Apparently, she’s part of his fan club.”

“You sound a little jealous.”

“I just don’t want to see her get lost in one of her fantasies.”

“It’s nice that you care so much about your friend.”

“She’s all I have, besides Liddy I mean.”

“What happened to Avery?”

“She’s currently married to the leader of Sagittaron, which shouldn’t even be legal since she’s married to me, but I can’t get her back.  I even used my connection to former Secretary Rice.”

“You don’t seem overwhelmingly sad.”

“Truth is, I’m not.  I was raising Liddy by myself essentially anyway.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t love my wife, or miss her, I do. It’s just....”

“She’s not your sine qua non.”

“Exactly, and perfect Latin. You must have done well at university.”

“Well enough I guess.  I should take my seat now.  I have a speech to prepare for, and a meeting with the great Adama.  I could have you three accompany me.  Make things more interesting for us.”

“That would be wonderful, Madame Secretary.  Thank you.”

“You so want to frak her,” Liz whispered after Laura had left.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough to hear you flirt with her over her perfect Latin and her awesome education.”

“We were talking about you and Avery, actually, and she’s going to have you meet the great Bill Adama, so check your jealousy at the door, Lemon.”

“Blerg Dongahy!”

\-----------------------

The Colonial Heavy had docked on Galactica’s landing bay, and Secretary Roslin, her aide Billy, and Liz, Jack, and Liddy were walking the corridors with Commander William Adama.  Secretary Roslin was trying to convince the Commander to network the ship’s computers to make it easier to run the museum.  It wasn’t going well. And Liz and Jack were listening from behind the politician and the soldier.

“I heard you’re one of those.  That you’re actually afraid of computers.”

“That’s not true.  We have many computers, but they aren’t networked to anything.”

“Networked computers would make it so much easier for the teachers.”

“Let me explain something to you.  I’ve seen a lot of men die because someone wanted to make things easier.  As long as I’m commander I won’t have them aboard my ship.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Wow, they’re good,” Liz whispered to Jack.

“What do you mean?”

“They’re natural at arguing, and they’ve only just met.”

“Commander Adama,” Laura called, ending Liz and Jack’s whispering.

“Yes, Madame Secretary?”

“This is Jack Donaghy and Liz Lemon from NBC.  They’ll be overseeing the press coverage throughout the event.  I believe Ms. Lemon expressed an interest in meeting you.”

“Welcome aboard Galactica.  May I ask why the writer of _Dealbreakers_ and creative force behind _TGS_ would want to meet a crusty old battlestar commander?”

“You’re neither old nor crusty.  I wanted to meet you because you’re one of the last people alive who defended us during the Cylon War.  You’re a real life hero;  protecting my existence before I was even born, and protecting my friend Jack when he was just a child.  I hope I’m not being socially retarded.  Jack’s been trying to mentor me for a few years, but I’m a lost cause, I’m afraid.  I’m sorry, Jack.  Am I _embarrassing_ you?”

“Well, thank you for your appreciation, Ms. Lemon.  I’m not used to seeing it.  I’m no expert on social situations, gods know, but I don’t find you socially retarded.”

“Thank you, Commander.”

“Well, if you’ll excuse me.  I have to be part of a photo shoot with my son.”

“I can’t believe he knew who I was!”

“I can.  Your work is brilliant.  I make a point of watching _TGS_ every week, and I absolutely loved _Dealbreakers_.”

“Thank you, Madame Secretary.”

“Now, who wants to frak her?” Jack whispered after Laura went to her quarters to prepare for her speech.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not gay!”

\------------------------------

The rest of the visit onboard Galactica was largely uneventful.  There were a number of speeches, a lot of clapping, and some boring finger food.  Liz was glad to be boarding the Colonial Heavy and going back home.  

“What did you think about your Commander’s speech?”

“I thought it was awe-inspiring, and he’s not my Commander.  Gods!  He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Secretary Roslin, even when he was talking to me.”

“He seemed to be paying attention to you, though.”

“Well, of course.  He’s not rude.”

“Oh.  It looks like Dr. Roslin’s about to speak.  We should pay attention; it’s probably important.”

_“_ There have been nuclear attacks on the following colonies:  Caprica, Sagittaron, Tauron, and Picon.  I’ve been trying to contact the government.  I’ll give updates as I have them. _”_

“Oh my gods, Jack!  Our families!”

“I know, Liz.  Thank the gods you insisted on coming with me, and I wanted Liddy with us.  I don’t know what I’d do without you two.”

“You called me Liz.  You must be having a moment.”

“Whatever, Lemon.”

\--------------------

Secretary Laura Roslin took the oath of the office of President of the Twelve Colonies.  She and Captain Apollo pulled a fleet together, essentially saving humanity, and she was beginning to form an office and cabinet.  

Jack and Liz were staying out of the way for the most part.  They were huddled in their seats with Liddy, trying to keep calm.  Both of them were in serious need to talk to some food about the situation, but there was no food available.  They were relieved when they saw Billy approaching them.

 “Mr. Donaghy, Ms. Lemon. The President would like to see you. If you’ll come with me.”

“Of course, it’s Billy, right?  Can we bring the baby with us?”

“Of course, Ms. Lemon.  President Roslin has a soft spot for children.”

“You seem to be a very good assistant, Billy.  President Roslin is lucky to have you.”

“Thank you.  We’re all lucky to have her, so I’ll do what I can for her.”

“You love her, don’t you?”

“Love, respect, admire.  I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have leading the fleet during this crisis,” Billy said just as they approached the new President’s makeshift office.

“Madame President, I brought Mr. Donaghy, Ms. Lemon, and Liddy like you asked.”

“Thank you, Billy.  Why don’t you courier this folder to Galactica?  It’ll give you an excuse to see Dee.”

“Yes, ma’am.  I’ll be back soon.”

 “I have some jobs for you two.  I can’t offer you any money, but you’ll have some prestige, and it’ll give you something to do, rather than wait for the Commander and I to make all the decisions like everybody else does.”

“Of course.  What can we do for you?”

“Ms. Lemon, I have use for your talents.  I’d like you to be my speech writer.”

“What the what!  I’m a comedy writer, Madame President.”

“Yes, and a very good one.  You know what you need to say to make people laugh.  Laughter is very good in a time of crisis.  I want you to help me include subtle humor in my speeches.  I want you to help me appeal to the greater humanity of the fleet.  Essentially, I need you to keep me grounded--keep me from getting too overwhelmed with our crises to remember to lead the people through them.  I know you are capable of doing this because I’ve listened to your banter with Mr. Donaghy for the last several days--I’m a former teacher, remember. I hear and see everything.”

“Well, in that case, I accept.  As long as I get to keep Liddy with me.”

“Of course.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  As for you, Mr. Donaghy.  I’d like you to be my chief negotiator--help me maintain order over the fleet without resorting to Commander Adama every time there’s a problem.  We want to keep the military and civilian factions as separate as possible; we don’t want people to feel like they’re living under Martial Law or a police state.  So, I need a shrewd businessman to intimidate people without the threat of force.  Think you can do that for me?”

“Of course, Madame President.”

“Now for the perks.  I can’t offer many, but we’ll see what we can do.  Because you’ll be working for me as part of my cabinet, I can provide better sleeping arrangements.  You’ll have a private quarter near Billy’s.  Of course, privacy just means you’ll have a thin curtain for a door, but it’s better than nothing.  They’ll be two cots and Billy managed to find a cradle somehow--that boy’s amazing; I don’t know what I’d do without him.  You’ll also get to accompany me for all of my official business.  When you’re both on duty with me, I’ll have Billy look after Liddy.  I spend most of my time in here, so it shouldn’t be too  bad.”

“Thank you for everything, Madame President.”

“Yeah.  I mean you think of everything.”

“That’s my job, Liz.  If I fail, then the cylons could kill us all.”

“I’m glad you’re here, then.”

“Thank you, Liz.  I’ll show you to your new quarters, and then I’d like to speak with you privately.”

“Of course, ma’am.  Anything.”

“Teacher’s pet,” Jack whispered in her ear.

“Like you’re any better,” Liz whispered back.

“You two are going to have to learn to whisper better,” Laura stated, without looking back at them.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding.”

“Nope.  Well, here we are.  It’s not much, but it’ll do until Commander Adama can get us to Earth.”

“Actually, this is bigger than my first apartment.  The beds are nicer too.”

“Well then, it might not be so bad.  If you want to place Liddy in her cradle.  Jack, you can get settled in; I won’t need you for the rest of the day--unless, of course, there’s a crisis.  Liz, will you come with me?”

A few moments later, Liz found herself in Laura’s private quarters.  

“This isn’t bad.  What’s the rent for a place like this?”

“I think I’m going to like having you around, Liz.”

“So, what can I do for you?”

“I have a secret.  It’s a pretty big one, and I want you to promise me, you’ll keep it--even from Jack.”

“Sure, but why do you want to tell me?”

“I think you’ll know once I tell you.  This is hard for me to talk about, so I’ll just blurt it out...”

“Earth’s not real!”

“What?  That’s not what I was going to say, but how did you know?”

“I work with Jack; that makes me the bullshit detector. Plus, I noticed your ironic tone when you mentioned Earth earlier.”

“I hope this doesn’t cloud your judgement of Commander Adama.  He lied to give people hope, and something to live for.  He can’t keep that promise, but hopefully we’ll still manage to find a new home, and save our species.  But what I was going to say was I have terminal breast cancer.”

“Oh my gods!”

“As you can probably guess, I’m telling you this because I’m going to need you to spin this for me pretty soon.  I won’t be able to keep my secret for long, and I’ll need you to think of the best way to reveal it.”

“Of course, Madame President.  I’m so sorry.  Is this why you’re getting Jack involved?”

“What do you mean?”

“You have him negotiating for you, getting used to dealing with fleet problems diplomatically.  He’ll probably be working with Commander Adama.  You’re grooming him to become your replacement, aren’t you?”

“I didn’t think of that, but that’s a good idea, Liz.  Can I trust him?”

“Absolutely.  He’s the best of them all.  He helped me with my relationship problem when he was Reaganing, and he picked me up from the dentist when I was loopy after my surgery.  If he can take care of me, his daughter, and NBC, he can certainly do this; probably not as well as you, but he’ll step up.  Maybe he’ll emulate Reagan.”

“Okay, well, we have our work cut out for us.  I’ll need you to accompany with my meeting with Commander Adama and my new military advisor Captain Apollo.”

“The Commander’s son?”

“Yeah.  He’s a little more open to my governing than his father is.  I’m not out to go behind Adama’s back or anything; I just need people I can trust to help me, and I trust Captain Apollo.”

“Of course, ma’am.  When’s the meeting?”

“Fourteen hundred hours.”

“So, we should get ready to shuttle over there then.”

“Yup.”

“Alright, let me say goodbye to Jack and Liddy.  We haven’t been apart since the attacks.”

“Okay.  I’ll meet you at the shuttle.”

  
  



	2. Settling In (Chapter Two of 30 Galactica)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz Lemon and President Roslin continue to bond.  They go to a meeting with Commander Adama.  Lemon's oversharing tendencies and badger face break through the Commander's barrier.

Title: Settling In (Chapter Two of 30 Galactica)  
Rating: K+  
Word Count: ~2,500  
Disclaimer: don't own any of them.  
Summary: Liz Lemon and President Roslin continue to bond.  They go to a meeting with Commander Adama.  Lemon's oversharing tendencies and badger face break through the Commander's barrier.

[Chapter One](http://newnumbertwo.livejournal.com/38203.html#cutid1)   


  


Liz burst through the curtain into their quarters.  Jack noticed she had the same triumphant face as when he promoted her to be his vice president all those years ago.  Hopefully things would work out better this time.  President Roslin didn’t seem to be diabetic, so she at least wouldn’t go into a diabetic coma.  Jack knew what Liz was going to say—he always did, but he always enjoyed her seemingly random outbursts.

“Suck it, Monkeys!  I’m going corporate!”  Yup.  Jack was right, again.

“I guess that means you’re off to work.” Jack was glad his ex-wife/best friend had found a mentor in President Roslin.  

“Yup.  I’ll see you two later.”  And Liz was back through the curtain to catch up with her new boss.

Laura didn’t have time to get very far.  She wasn’t sure what she expected in greetings and partings between her subordinates, but she thought they’d last moments rather than seconds.  So when Liz burst back through the curtain into the main corridor of Colonial One, Laura had only walked a few steps.  Liz caught up to her, surprised about how much energy she had, considering her severe lack of foodage.

“That was fast,” the President remarked.

“Jack and I don’t waste a lot of time with niceties.”

“You have an interesting friendship.”

“Comes from knowing each other for five years.”

“Were you always friends?”

“Not right away, no.  We fought a lot in the beginning--we still do--but we learned how to work out our issues.”

“Now you’re helping him raise his daughter.”

“We always have each other’s backs.  And I’ve been trying to adopt for a few years, so this works out.”

“I’m happy for both of you.”

“So, what’s this meeting about?”

“Cylon infiltration, the water shortage, fuel and food rations, our current tactical situation.  You know, the usual.”

“What do you mean by cylon infiltration?”

“You’ll see.”

“It seems like you trust me, Madame President.”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m 99% sure you’re not a cylon.”

“How could I be a cylon?  I’m not made out of metal. Oh, I get it.  Do some of them look like us now?”

“How do you catch on so quickly?”

“I told you, bullshit detector.  Who else knows?”

“You, me, Col. Tigh, Dr. Baltar, Commander Adama, Captain Apollo, and Lt. Gaeta.”

“Okay, so I’m keeping this under wraps for a while.  Do you want me to think of a way to spin this, eventually?”

“Yes, please.  You’re really efficient; why didn’t you work for the government?”

“I never liked politics, no offense.  Jack worked for the Bush administration for three months, though, but he hated it.  He came up with the gay bomb just to get fired.”

Whatever Jack had done, wasn’t included on any document she had encountered during her tenure with Adar, which meant it was something the Bush administration buried—deeply.  Laura was very curious about this.  She raised her eyebrows and said, “Gay bomb?”

“Yeah, it was supposed to be a gas that would make enemy soldiers go completely gay for each other.  It worked but only in closed environments.  Anyway, he got fired, but Jack won’t tell me the details.”

Laura asked the question she’d wanted to know since meeting her new friend.  “How do you stay sane with all that craziness?”

“Same way you are now.  We do what we have to to get the job done.  I ran a TV show; it wasn’t glamourous, but I did it, mostly alone.  I worked 80 hours a week, couldn’t make a relationship work to save my life, but I always could turn to Jack.  That’s what you need, Madame President.  You need one person you can go to and just be yourself, a drinking buddy or something.”  Liz couldn’t stop herself from bursting into one of her empowering speeches—that usually didn’t happen until May; the apocalypse was affecting her psyche and making her less dependent on food.  She was almost normaling.

“Will you be that person, Liz?”

“I’d be honored to until you find your true equal.”

“You’re not my equal?”

“No, I’m Jack’s equal, and we’re both your subordinates.  You’re only equal is Adama, but I don’t see the two of you becoming drinking buddies anytime soon, and if you were to become close, you’d probably need to tell him your secret.”

“Was there ever a secret that you didn’t want to tell Jack?”

“I tend to over share, so I pretty much tell him everything.  But there was this time I accidentally told a reporter he was a ‘class A moron’ who could eat my poo.  I didn’t want to tell him I did that because it showed up in the gossip column and could have hurt his chances of being chairperson of GE.  But when I thought I was pregnant, Jack was the first person I told--before the father, even, but I didn’t plan on telling the father because he’s a class A moron.”

“You weren’t really pregnant?”

“No.  My tests were false positives from these Tauron cheese curls I was eating in massive quantities.  They were beefed up with bull testosterone, which created false positives and made me late.”

“And Jack was the only person you wanted to go to?”

“Yes, except I couldn’t because he was spreading democracy with Bush.  I left him a bunch of voice mails, and then he came home just for me.  I was so happy to see him, I wanted to hug him, but he says hugs are ethnic, so I didn’t.  But we had a nice moment, and then he had to go back, and I had to keep working for Devin Banks.  I missed Jack so much.”

“Then he came back.”

“Yeah, and we were never separated that long again--except during Summer Hiatus.”

“You think I can have that kind of working relationship with Commander Adama?”

“I don’t know.  I mean anything’s possible.  I never thought I’d be friends with anyone like Jack.  Jack is everything I’m not--sophisticated, wealthy, conservative, elitist--but behind all that is a really good guy.  He’s not perfect, but he’s always been honest with me.  I guess I’m saying you shouldn’t write Adama off.  I bet there’s a fluffy teddy bear behind all that stoicism.”

“Now there’s an image.  Thanks for that; now I won’t be so intimidated during our meeting.”

“He intimidates you?”

“I guess I do a good job hiding it.”

“Just make your self heard, Madame President.  When you speak, people listen.  When you speak, Adama listens.”

“It doesn’t always seem like it.”

“He’s stubborn, but he can’t argue with logic and reason.”

“He’ll try.”

“He’ll fail.”

“Thank you, Liz.  You ready to go in there and deal with Commander Teddy Bear?”

“You bet!”

\----------------------

Any illusions Liz and Laura had that meeting with Commander Adama would be easy—or pleasant—were shattered quickly.

“What is she doing here?”

“It’s good to see you too Commander. Blerg!”

“To answer your question, Commander, Ms. Lemon works for me now.  She is privy to all information, and I trust her completely.”

“And what will the comedy writer be doing for you, Madame President?”

“The very talented and hard working comedy writer will be helping me write speeches and spin information in a more positive light.  She’ll also help keep my mood and temper in check, which will be very beneficial for all of us.  So if we could begin our meeting, that would be fantastic.”

“This is almost as bad as when I told my father I was her military advisor,” Lee whispered to Liz.

“I can imagine.  So much for Commander Teddy Bear.”

“She wasn’t kidding about you keeping the mood light.”

“No, I guess not.”

“I just don’t understand why you feel the need to promote everyone that surrounds you to made up advisory positions, trust them with information pertinent to fleet security, and bring them to our meetings,” Commander Adama continued his fuming rant.

“First of all, Commander, it’s called a cabinet.  Every President in the history of our Colonies has had one.  In case you haven’t noticed, the cylons kind of killed our former President and his entire cabinet except for me, so I need to work with what I have.  I have your son willing to give me insight into the military since, as you pointed out, I’m just a ‘frakkin schoolteacher.’  I can ask Lee the questions about protocol without wasting your time as fleet commander.  I needed someone to deal with the cylon infiltration problem, so I appointed our only surviving scientist to do that--I know you don’t trust him; neither do I really, which is why I want him close to us.  I needed a PR person since Doral is a cylon, and the gods brought me Liz Lemon.  I also needed a chief negotiator, so I appointed Jack Donaghy; he’ll be coming to our meetings as well, so you better get used to it.

“How do we know these people aren’t cylons?”

“How do I know you aren’t?”

“Or you?”

“I guess we’ll just have to take a leap of faith.  I trust your son completely; so should you.  I’m 99% sure Liz is human, and Jack has fathered a child, which pretty much rules him out.  I assure you I’m not a cylon, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t either.  We’ll just have to see about Baltar.”

“Humph.  Very well, Madame President.  Shall we begin our meeting, then?  Please take a seat everyone.”

Liz sat next to Lee, and Laura sat next to Bill.

“Now, where shall we begin?”

“Well, Commander, I think we covered the cylon issue quite nicely already.  Any one of us can be a cylon, and we should be careful in whom we place our trust.”

“That about sums it up.”

“I’m sorry, but do we know how many cylons there are?” Liz asked.

“I received a mysterious typed note that says there are 12 cylon models.  We’ve identified 2 so far.”

“Are we sure we can trust that note?”

“Good point, Ms. Lemon.  No, I’m not entirely sure that note is accurate, but honestly, it doesn’t matter if there are 12 or twelve hundred models--we don’t know who they are, and that puts us at a severe disadvantage.”

“What are you thinking, Liz?” Laura asked, noticing Liz was making her badger face, which indicated thought or, sometimes, anger.  This time it was indicating thought.

“When Jack was trying to snuff out the guilty party of the gossip leak in the paper--the one I was telling you about earlier, Madame President--he had all the TGS staffers sweat it out in a conference room until the guilty party came forward.  Tempers flared and people really revealed their true values.”

“Is that when you came forward?”

“Eventually, after I let Kenneth the page take the fall.”

“What’s your point?”

“I’m not sure I have one.  I usually just ramble and Jack figures out what my point was.  It’s just that conditions throughout the fleet aren’t great, so people are eventually going to reach their breaking points.  What if we used that to our advantage somehow?  Monitor the ships for particular troublemakers, bring them in, question them, and see if we can get them to break.”

“That could work.  Thank you, Ms. Lemon.”

“I think we should implement that immediately, Commander.  Unless you have another idea, of course.”

“Not at the moment, no.  Yes, I agree.  Ms. Lemon, I take back any doubts I had about your qualifications.  We’ll certainly have a use for you within this fleet.  May I ask what the fiasco you caused Mr. Donaghy was?”

“Oh I was venting in an elevator, and I happened to be standing next to a gossip columnist.  I mentioned Jack was a class A moron who could eat my poo, which ended up on page six of the _Caprican Times_.  It wasn’t that big a deal.  I eventually came clean, and Jack wasn’t too mad because _MILF Island_ was such a hit.  I made up for my betrayal by writing a reality show for Deborah, the winner of _MILF Island_ , so I was sufficiently punished, I assure you.”

“You’re most definitely not a cylon.”

“How can you tell?”

“You’re far too honest and not particularly sneaky.  I bet you’re very obvious about your feelings too.”

“You mean my angry badger face?”  She asked as she did a demonstration for her new friends.

“Yeah, that pretty much proves you’re human.”

“I think you’re human too.”

“So, how’s the water situation?” President Roslin asked to get the meeting back on track, though she was glad Liz had broken through Adama’s barrier. 

“Extracting it has been proving challenging, Madame President.”

“If I may, I have an idea.”

“Of course, Captain Apollo.”

“We have prisoners aboard the Astral Queen; what if we used them as our new labor force in exchange for their freedom.  It’s not like anyone can go anywhere; we’re all stuck in space together.”

“That’s a good idea.  We’ll table that for tomorrow’s meeting.”

“Where does that leave us?”

“We’re still pretty screwed, Commander.  We have little water, don’t know who our enemies are, and will probably run out of food and fuel at some point.”

“Right, I guess we should hold off on having babies until we get to a safe planet and have all the resources we need.”

“I’m sorry, having babies?”

“Don’t worry, Captain Apollo.  It’s just an inside joke between your father and me from our first meeting.  I included having babies as part of my official policy for our survival, but obviously, we should wait till we have enough food for everyone before adding to our population.”

“Does that conclude our meeting then, Madame President?”

“Yes it does, Commander.”

“I’ll return to the CAP, then.  Madame President, Commander.” Lee said, taking his leave.

“I’ll wait outside the hatch, Madame President.”  Liz sensed her boss and the Commander might want to have a debriefing.

“I like her,” Bill said after Liz had shut the hatch behind her.

“Me too.  She’s fun to have around.”

“You think she’s in love with friend Jack?”

“Not as much as he’s in love with her.”

“Really?”

“He slipped and referred to her as his sine qua non.”

“Yeah, that would be a confirmation.”

“I thought so.”

“But they’re not together.”

“No.  Not yet, anyway.”

Bill couldn’t believe he was discussing the love life of Liz Lemon with his President.  But it felt strangely right to do so.  Seeing someone like Elizabeth Lemon come into her own after an apocalypse gave them hope for the future.  So he was cheering for her, and so was Laura.

Commander Adama knew they needed to return to serious topics. “We’ll get through this, Madame President,” he said.

“I hope so.  I should probably return to Colonial One.  You’ll implement Liz’s discomfort strategy?  And we’ll talk about Lee’s idea and other issues tomorrow.  I’ll get Mr. Donaghy in on that meeting as well.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good afternoon, Commander.”

“You too.”

  
  



End file.
